Do I Really

I came home from school today to find a note on my counter that reads, “…sorry for the late notice, but you need to be out by 4/1″.  Somehow I managed to not scream, cry or do both concurrently, placing my books down on the counter before asking Butterfinger to please explain to me that the letter is merely an early April Fool’s joke.  But alas, he is busy working on a programming project and incommunicado while utilizing the neurons that give him the ability to create something out of nothing.  He briefly reprimanded himself for allowing the letter to lay out in plain view, simultaneously reassuring me that he was going to explain some things to me that were going to make me feel a lot better as soon as he was done.  So here I sit, rolling through scenario after scenario in my mind, trying not to let the pessimistic part of my brain overpower the section that spent the majority of the afternoon manifesting beautiful ideas for the future.

Really, related, reality – they are all intertwined in a synchronistic patterning, similar to the levels of a basket being woven, stitched and stretched together.  My REALITY seems to be a product of the life events that REALLY happen, which are RELATED to some underlying or greater purpose I am yet unable to see.   I can sit here and make a list of “Do I really” statements, but that doesn’t do anyone any good.  You know what will make a positive difference?  Controlling the fear.  Trying to only fear the fear itself is one of those mantras that is 100% easier to say than to do.  Despite how many times I repeat it in my mind, it is doing nothing to soothe the chemical reaction currently going on in my body that is releasing cortisol and causing my glucose to spike.  Which seems to induce irrational thoughts instead of encouraging my mind to explore novel solutions to this all-too-familiar problem.

On a positive note, my body loves doing yoga, I am healthy, I am happy, I share my life with a wonderful human being, when I walk in the door my dogs wag their tails so hard they look as though they may explode, taking physics rocks, I got two jars of nuts at CVS today for 25 cents, the laundry is done, I started taking my vitamins again, tea is the perfect way to start your day, and I can hear the ocean while I am typing this post.