Startup Fiance

1) Do I have anything better to do than to give you a ticket for no license/dog off leash/being a waste of life? The answer is no. No, I have nothing better than to take my precious time and taxpayer dollars to write you a completely useless ticket for not doing what was your responsibility to do in the first place. I love nothing more than babysitting grown adults who seem incapable of wiping their own ass without law enforcement present.

2) To all the imbeciles who ask me why I’m not out rounding up all the killer pit bulls, I have to ask the question of where. Where are all the killer pitbulls that are roaming the streets and attacking your women and children. My god, the city should just issue you all shotguns to fend off these land sharks. In other news, there is no vicious pit bull epidemic; the only epidemic is misinformation, ignorance and animal neglect.

3) To all the miscreants who refuse to spay/neuter, or who think they’re “breeders” because they put fido and fifi together and produced a litter of mongrels who will all likely end up in a barrel behind the shelter by the time they reach sexual maturity: Die. I wish that there was a mandatory spay/neuter law, and that the penalty for breaking it was to be forced to spend a day working in the euthanasia room. Essentially, breeding means killing…so have a good day, executioners! I hope the 50 bucks you made off that puppy buys you something real nice.

4) There is no such thing as “No Kill”. I hate to burst your collective bubble, but when you call and ask if our shelter is “no kill”, don’t treat me like a kitten murderer when I tell you NO. There are simply not enough resources or homes available to find every pet a home and that is not my fault. Quite simply, there is no “dog whisperer” in the world who can save your eight year old Rottweiler that spent his entire life chained to a tree in your backyard. And the places that claim to be “No Kill”? They simply send the unplaceable pets across the street to Animal Control who do the killing for them.

5) You know what’s fun? Being told that I must “really hate dogs” because I’m an Animal Control Officer. Yessir. I put up with retards like you, the abysmally low pay, and this fabulously flattering uniform just so I can take all my bitterness out on your dog. That’s also why I foster animals, paying for their care out of my own pocket and using up my precious little free time to do it. Yeah, that’s it.

6) Leashes. They’re not just for the “bad dogs”. Quite frankly, dogs are carnivores – predators, if you will. When they see something furry and running fast, like a squirrel or a cat – they tend to chase after it. Next thing you know, I’m scooping up Scooby with a plastic bag…not fun. Or, how about the person who does not in fact, like dogs and has to be accosted by your poochie when they walk down the street? Or, what about the dog aggressive dog being walked safely and in control on a leash until your unleashed dog comes up and just wants to say “hi”?