If I had to pick the worst thing about being sick, I’d have to say it would be trying to sleep when one of your nostrils is completely stuffed up and the other is so clear that it burns to inhale. I woke up yesterday morning feeling like I was doing lines of ammonia the night before. The second worst aspect of being down with the sickness is perhaps the charred throat, which I can only compare to the feeling that maybe light bulb eaters experience after a few nights of great performances. On a side note, my nose is peeling off, eyes sunken so far into my face that I am not sure they will ever reappear, and brain so useless I may as well remove it for a few days for display at the Bodies exhibit down the street.
Thank you NyQuil, for being there for me when various viruses and bacterium have gotten me down. Last night was no exception to this, you allowed me to get a full, 12 hour night’s rest free of coughing, sneezing, head explosions and dragon throat. I wish I could say that I felt better when I woke up this morning, but your effect is much different than what is shown in the commercials. Instead of jumping up out of bed feeling refreshed, I pretty much fell onto the floor and drug myself into the shower for a revival. I would not say you make me feel “hungover” per say, but after waking from a Rip Van NyQuil sleep, it is very difficult to get the motor going in the proper direction.
I find it curious that I even want to continue this liquid relationship, as I absolutely detest the Jaegermeister/licorice bliss that comprises green NyQuil (Butterfinger picked it up, I prefer the red variety myself), and am not all that fond of waking up feeling like I was run over by a gang of schoolchildren. There is just something about the type of rest you provide though, so sound, so quick, and nothing can top the fantastical dreams created by your mystery serum.
I managed to thwart your advances all day long, but it is now 9:30 pm and I want to go whisk you off the shelf for one more night of peaceful sleep. But alas, our reunification must wait a few hours more, as I mistakenly signed up for a secret shopping assignment that lands me at the airport from 11 pm to 12 am (not 11 am to 12 pm as I originally thought when I accepted the shop). I have contemplated taking a hit to my professional secret shopping career just so we could be together that much sooner, but being a mystery shopper is a lifetime commitment, unlike our sick relationship.