Gassing Up

As I stood there and watched the digital numbers creep up past $70, I could not help but be thankful that I was not at one of those older-style pumps at which all of the numbers click as they rapidly spin to their final destination. No one spoke, no eye contact was made, even the cashier remained eerily silent as we all watched our hard-earned money disappear at our local fossil fueling station. I stared at my sandals, pretended to fiddle with something in my purse, and washed my windows as to avoid the sullen glances of abused consumers around me. The collective consciousness is most certainly at work here, permeating this space – we all know what once another is thinking, so why bother to put it into words.

A funny thing happens though when the cars are started back up and people head out onto the roads. That feeling of community, empathy and understanding quickly dissipates as you realize everyone around you is driving as fast as they possibly can, towing useless toys into the desert, while mindlessly babbling on their cell phones about whom is diddling whom. What happened to the quiet, reserved group at the gas station? Were they not all silently pondering the dismal situation we have all been placed in because of our reliance on oil? Was I too hopeful in thinking that they understood the implications that these fuel prices may have on our food supply and present way of life?!

I guess the saying “out of sight, out of mind” truly applies in this case. As your money visibly disappears on an LED screen you can not help but notice our similarly declining economy, but as soon as the car is full of juice again, you are back out on the roads tearing it up as if you will never again have to visit a gas pump again. Do you really think that Tesla’s work is going to be reincarnated on a global scale and free energy will be adopted by the masses in the time it will take you to burn through that 13 gallons of gasoline? Are you actually planning on fixing that rusty bike with a flat tire that has been sitting in your garage for a decade before your SUV exerts its amazing 5 mpg capabilities on the 30 gallons of fuel you just spent over $100 on?

And so the often oxymoranic American psyche goes on to show gas guzzling idiocracy at its finest. There are the women who literally look like they are on the verge of tears while gassing up, who will then proceed to ride around with their windows up and air conditioning on when it is a perfect 72 degrees outside. God forbid they show up at the dinner party with one or two hairs out of place, or else Johnny may choose to spend his money on another shell of a person that somehow cares more about their looks.

Then you have the outspoken desert dweller that will make it known exactly how much it is going to cost him to fill up each and every one of his motorized vehicles, including the Ford F45,000 he has to drive to tow them inside of the toy hauler. He stands there in his sideways cap, with full sleeves of tattoos, carelessly throwing out numbers in the upper triple digits without batting a sunburned eyelash. This is the same guy I will see later in the week standing in line at the payday loan store asking for an advance on his paycheck so he can get some diapers for his newborn. This character has also been known to post ads on Craigslist begging for money to take care of his family, while refusing to take a second job at a fast food joint because it is degrading.

If I had not already committed myself to turning over a new leaf with regard to not disrespecting people, I would have half a mind to scream at every single one of you fossil fuel hoarders and wasters. Instead I will propose a few tips for better fuel economy and call it a day:

• Drive the speed limit – this is a BIG one out here, just because the sign says 65 does not mean you need to go 85 – your car will get way more miles to the gallon if you do not speed around like you are Mario Andretti, and a pleasant side effect may be a longer life.
• No aggressive driving – rapidly accelerating and breaking really cuts down on mpg, plus it really pisses off the person in front of you who is constantly terrified you are going to hit them.
• Remove excess weight – store your kilos of cocaine in the backyard shed instead of the floorboards of your van.
• Take off your roof rack – not only will this reduce excess weight, but it will reduce drag, both of which will increase your miles per gallon.
• Use cruise control – maintaining a constant speed leads to happy gas mileage.
• Avoid long periods of idling – if you are in an extremely long line at In-and-Out Burger, just turn the engine off while you wait for the 10 cars in front of you to move ahead.
• Make sure your tires are properly inflated – not only will you look like a fool driving on flattened tires, your car will have to work harder to move, thus wasting fossil fuels.
• Replace your air filters – a clean air filter means a happy engine:)
• Take advantage of carpools and ride share programs – see below.