Butterfinger and I went out around noon today to pick up some lunch. As we headed toward our final destination of Rally’s for some delicious 2/$5 chicken sandwiches, I could not help but to notice how hard I was needing to squint just to focus on the road. It was one of those painful, eye-pinching situations where you know you are probably going to have the resulting headache for the next few hours while the wrinkles last the rest of your life. At first I chalked it up to the sun finally deciding to poke through the clouds after a few days of dreariness, but as I was pumping gas I came upon the realization that something much bigger was happening…
I too am morphing into a vampire! The recessive vampiric gene is also starting to express itself within me, hence the light sensitivity and sudden aversion to garlic. My once beautifully browned skin is losing its pigment at an exponential rate, in fact, it may already be too far gone for an entire summer’s worth of cancer rays to correct. Of course my eyes would be burning in the sunlight; today was the first time I left the confines of the house in about 48 hours, maybe even 72 hours, I guess losing track of time is also something blood suckers do. Instead of going to bed around 9 pm I now find myself unable to even go upstairs and lay down until 12 or 1 am, and on the same token I find it impossible to physically remove myself from the bed until at least 8 am.
The vampiric gentoype has its benefits as well, I have found that I am becoming less and less afraid of the dark. I also get a chance to spend more quality time with Butterfinger now that we are operating on more similar schedules, which inevitably leads to increased productivity and overall happiness. I have not yet found any use for an increased penchant for human blood, but I will let you know if I stumble upon something. Phenotypically speaking, I am not too fond of my new found pallor, but I was thinking that some skin tinting lotion from Target might help me out a bit. I suppose the new look may come in handy about 6 months from now when the sugared up kids coming knocking for candy, especially if I can harness the powers of turning into a bat by then.
I suppose becoming a nocturnal, light fearing creature is just a natural progression for someone already involved with the dark side. One great thing about working for yourself is that about 99% of your deadlines are ones that you set for yourself, meaning that as long as you get it done before the clock strikes 12 you have met your goal. Time basically becomes irrelevant when you are working on projects that can be accessed from anywhere, at any time, by anyone. Kind of puts a whole new perspective on a vampiric way of life doesn’t it?
