Sleep or Coma?

I am a very light sleeper, I suppose that is part of the reason I have a hard time understanding how someone could sleep through an alarm clock louder than a nuclear power plant evacuation bell, and carry on conversations while they float in the purgatory between sleep and consciousness. For as long as I have known Butterfinger (nine years now – can you believe it?) he has been able to carry out these feats with the greatest of ease, angering himself and I in the process. He truly believes I am at fault when he sleeps through a meeting or snoozes for an extra few hours on a Sunday afternoon, and I accordingly place blame on his inability to rouse himself.


For example, Butterfinger fell asleep at approximately 9:30 am today, after remaining awake for an entire day previously. Before he went totally unconscious I made sure to ask him what time he wanted to start to be woken up, he proceeded to give me the utterly unrealistic time of 10:00 am. I consequently added about 2 hours to this projected time and after taking a trip to 7-11, doing wash, and talking on the phone with my mom, I tried to wake him up. My wake up methods at first usually consist of gentle shaking and speaking in a normal tone so I do not frighten the sleepy baby. After awhile I usually get little or no response from this behavior, which causes my voice to deepen slightly, become louder, and the gentle shaking evolves into pinching or snake-biting.

I can not say why failed wake-up attempts frustrate me to the extent that they do, but I can literally feel my blood pressure rise the longer I have to continue trying to revive Butterfinger. My anger translates into him being angry when he finally does wake up, which makes him not want to wake up and spit out any number of excuses as to why not to wake up including the ever-so-popular “my stomach hurts” or babbling nonsense. After this hour or so long scene transpires I am left exhausted and beaten – how can I be this awful at the simple task of getting someone out of bed?

We are both to blame in this situation, Butterfinger needs to work harder on establishing a constant sleep cycle to avoid oversleeping, and I need to better hone my patient wake-up method. Lately I have been trying WWE wrestling moves to get him out of bed, but that was not possible today due to my scrambled egg intake a few minutes prior to the wake up call. Attempts to wake someone that does not desire to be woken up is always going to be a disaster, and Butterfinger really needs to work on rebooting his system a little more expeditiously. I would really hate for this to get to the point of having to douse his comatose frame with ice cold water when he does not respond to numerous wake up attempts, but you never know…

If anyone has any tips on waking the living dead, please send me a comment. All of your tips, as always, are greatly appreciated:)

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6 Responses to Sleep or Coma?

  1. nick says:

    the “blizzard deleted your wow account for botting worked well once” although that’s probably a bit outdated now.

  2. mom says:

    How about recording some of Dan playing the bagpipes, put headphones on him, and play it as loud as you can!!! haha. I did see one time an alarm clock that is supposed to wake the dead. Maybe his old tazer? Seriously tho, a routine of some sort would probably help Butterfinger.

  3. admin says:

    nick i do believe that wow deleting my account for gliding was probably the most creative and effective method of waking yours truly up. this is all i am asking for…be more creative or try something other than what does not and has never worked. i would guess 50% of the time you do not even break through my subconscious so that i would even be able to remember your failed attempt.

    i think you already know the definition of insanity (doing the same things over and over expecting different results…) and it sounds like you are going insane trying to wake me up.

    maybe you should document what has worked and has not worked in the past and how many times you tried each…just a thought. i think you will see my point if you put it down on paper.

  4. anon says:

    I suggest flashing a light in front of their eyes. A bright light if you can.

  5. Ali says:

    I completely understand your frustration. When I dated (he whose name I no longer speak of) I remember getting to the point of yelling, shaking, and throwing bow’z when he would not wake up to his alarm clock that blasted at top notch with the base shaking his room causing me to jump out of bed and hit my head on his slanted ceiling. My advice….It has to be a united effort, or the ice water must occur to make some swift changes, hahah!

  6. tamiko says:

    sometimes i have a problem waking up .It’s like seeing myself in my sleep trying to wake up but im still sleeping

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