Startup Fiance

I spent a few days last week at my old stomping grounds training a new hire. It was a strange feeling returning to the office I had the spent the last two years in, and even though I had been gone for a few weeks, it felt as though I had never left. Everything at the front was in the same place, the same problem patients were calling in with exaggerated complaints to get an appointment moved up, and the pictures of the dogs were still posted in the back office. My first call even fit right into the routine – a patient highly agitated that their HMO was dictating when, where, and how they would be seen. Despite the office appearing and acting the same, something felt very different, and it was not until later that I realized the magnitude of the changes going on.

I suppose we all fall into routine at some point in our lives, where our daily tasks become so mundane and repetitious that days fade into weeks, into years, and that was my disposition before I left. On one hand it was a great feeling to be able to expertly perform my daily tasks and assure the office ran smoothly, but on the other it was nauseating because I knew I was selling myself short. No doubt about it, working the front office in a busy medical practice is not equivalent to twirling a sign outside of a Verizon store; there are insurance authorizations to be completed, charts to pull, patients to check out, phones to answer, appointments to schedule, patients to check in, surgeries to schedule, and messages to take, just to name a few.

Another one of your jobs as front office worker is to take a bunch of crap from people (your bosses and patients) about scheduling, patients not being seen quickly enough, and any other miscellaneous occurances that may have gone awry during the day. When I first started this subtle, ‘get blamed for everything’ nuance, among others, caused me to be completely frazzled about 7 of the 8 hours in a workday, but eventually I developed my own processes for getting things done. After a month or so I got my flow down, and subsequently started to shut off my brain as soon as I walked in the office. I am not sure why this happened, maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was not being challenged, or maybe it was a way for me to protect myself from any confrontations, all I do know is that it is hard to come up with new ideas or think outside the box when you are constantly doing and saying the same things over, and over, and over, and over…

Despite all this, I drew a lot of my self esteem from being able to do my job well, no matter how mind numbingly boring it was. I gained confidence from being able to reassure patients and assist them with concerns. I felt friendship from my co-workers and enjoyed their company, whether it be a silly email message or laughter-filled lunch. All of these things made me feel comfortable and confident in what I did, something I have been lacking in the weeks since I left.

It’s not that I have been laying in bed depressed about leaving, I just need to find where I fit in with the startup. I need to be more comfortable making mistakes, taking risks, and trying out new roles. Maybe I should write that a couple more times so it sinks in…

I need to be more comfortable making mistakes, taking risks, and trying out new roles.

I need to be more comfortable making mistakes, taking risks, and trying out new roles.

I need to be more comfortable making mistakes, taking risks, and trying out new roles.

I need to be more comfortable making mistakes, taking risks, and trying out new roles.

I need to be more comfortable making mistakes, taking risks, and trying out new roles.

Ad infinitum.