One of my roommates ordered pizza the other day and left the remaining contents on the kitchen counter. This would normally not upset me as I would simply place the box into the oven and wait for the offender to inquire as to the whereabouts of his saucy dough. Last Wednesday, however, was very different, because as I approached the cardboard container of goodness I could feel the creepy, itchy, spicy presence – it was at this point my very worst insect fear was realized – THE ANTS HAD RETURNED!
The hotter temperatures of July and August must lead to an increase in the production of mutant ants at the colony, because these ants take bravery to an absolutely stupefying level. You will see gangs of ants climbing our staircase, wanting to get closer to the essence of the soda can that is in the office upstairs, only to later be found dead in a sea of Mountain Dew. Others will be seen in a lemming-like stupor trekking into the dog’s bowls. These genetic misfits are either eaten for being in the wrong place at the wrong time or die from the sheer exhaustion caused by trying to remove a piece of kibble that is about 1 million times their size.
Anytime you have an itch, you will think it is an ant. You could have a piece of hair on your arm or a dangling string inside your t-shirt and for the next few months, you will be certain that you are under siege by the most brave and evil of the ants – the human devouring ants. While I have not yet been witness to this flesh craving variety of ant, I am convinced they exist, and I know it is only a matter of time before I end up on a Nature Channel special with my startup special ants and their voracious appetite for humans.
Like all things in life, ant mania 2007 too shall pass, and I will once again be able to enjoy my ramen without wondering if a mentally stunted ant somehow made its way in with my seasoning packet.
Ants! I remember visiting Butterfinger (hehe) in San Diego a few years ago and wondering how all the boys in the house managed to cohabitate with such creatures in a very calm sort of harmonious way. I once asked a former member of that household what his thoughts were on the ants, and he simply said “if you don’t mess with them, they won’t mess with you”. I’m sure that quote isn’t spot on, as I’m usually wrong with quotes, or even telling stories for that matter, but I thought it was pretty interesting.
Anyhow, I can see how annoying it may be to share your taste buds with an unexpected visitor…
Very funny blog! I am very much enjoying reading your thoughts and very well written stories.
I share your distaste of the ant community, and hope to kill our share of them before they venture into our home, particularly the dog killing variety that are on a mission to chew through our house until it’s a spongey mess.
We have tons of regular ants (outside for us, luckily) and then huge black carpenter ants, outside as well, but as they jump off our tree onto our house, I know it’s just a matter of time before they work their way in (I have yet to have the bug killer come get them).
In any case, our puppy finds them yummy (maybe she likes spicy foods?) and will chase and eat the little ones until they’re crawling btwn her toes and up her nose. The carpenter ones, however, fight back. One of them grabbed a hold of her lip — the only thing we could do was grab the live ant, who was holding on for dear life, with tweezers. Pulling him from our panicing and wriggling Ripley, we ended up tearing off half of the ant. The head still held on to her lip — we eventually pulled that thing off too, tearing a little hunk of poor Ripley’s lip with it.
Anyways, I hope, besides the ants and the roommates, that all is well. Jamie and I say hi! It’s been ages, so it’s nice to catch up on your world, even if it is via a blog!
I’m now itching. Ants definitely blow it. I miss you and you can keep Stiff. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Knew you would!! It’s your reward for being the best Startup Fiance ever. xox