I would like to take this opportunity to highlight some of my most clumsy and embarrassing moments in hopes of getting closer to a cure for this dreadful loss of bodily control, while also opening up the floor for readers to share their own experiences.
Temple University, Freshman Dorms
I was headed to the caf for dinner with my soulmate. That winter she was having some issues with turning into a bird, and her down coat was leaving feathers all over our room and all over her. So as we were coming down the steps from the third floor, I was reaching to pluck a feather from her back – I missed a step and tumbled all the way to the bottom. This was by far my most “America’s Funniest Home Videos” clip as I actually did 360-degree twists on decent. When I finally landed on my hands, with my face on the MRSA-infected linoleum, it was impossible for me to get up because the soulmate was laughing so hard at the pile of clothing on the floor that used to be an upright human being.
We had just gotten the van. It was the beginning of summer. I stopped to get gas on my way home from work, and I was feeling pretty good since I got to wear normal clothes to work instead of my usual garbage bag-esque scrub attire. I was looking off in the distance checking out the bags of Doritos and 20-year-old Twinkies, and instead of taking my foot out of the car door and placing it firmly on earth, I missed the step. Next thing I know I was pouring out of the van like Jello left out on the sun on a 90 degree day (I hate Jello by the way) and looking up at the gas pump. I quickly gathered my muscle coordination and got back to my feet just in time to see some of my fellow gas station companions chuckling and pretending to look the other way. I guess that is what I get for trying to be cool.
Hometown, Pennsylvania
This is an oldy, but a goody. I was right around the age where you first learn to ride your bike. My first biking experience landed me in a tree or two, but I had finally gotten it down and was confident enough to take rides to both ends of my street. The one end of the street was a piece of cake, the neighbor that lived there had a 2 car garage sized driveway void of any automobiles, perfect for my novice cycling skills. The other end was a little trickier though, it had a driveway big enough for a one car garage, but the driveway was angled up towards the house, meaning you would always gain a little speed on the 15 foot coast back to the sidewalk.
The day was trash day, and I was getting one last ride in before the sun was going to set. As I took my purple unicorn bike with sparkly tassels up the driveway I decided I was going to pedal on the way down the incline, just to test my new skills. This was my first real-life experiment dealing with F=ma. The force with which I hit those trashcans was enough to put about 10-15 dents in the metal trash receptacles, along with ripping all of the skin from my elbows and knees.
This is obviously only a sampling of one type clumsy behavior, but I have flung chicken on walls, burnt a line across my wrist on a pan while making a quesadilla, closed car doors on my hands, feet, and bags, hit myself in the face while trying to open a jar, zipped my neck in my winter coat, opened the refrigerator in my face, and vacuumed my own sock off of my foot, to name a few. Life would be boring if you did not fall down or burn yourself every once in awhile!
this one time, during a cross country race, I tripped on a hole at the last 100m where the entire team + coach + family members + spectators were watching. I was facing one side of the cheering crowd and when i landed, i was facing the other side (180 turn). On the way down the cheers turned into “ooooh” along with the huge thump of my body on the grass……… 2 seconds later, i was up and sprinting… trying to salvage what little dignity i had left by beating some of the girls who had passed me while i was down.
the next day, i hobbled to class on a cast, and crutches and the blue boot (fractured ankle)…
we miss you at work, mandie!!
I would have to admit one of my all-time clumsiest moments came the night of my Junior Dinner Dance in high school. I was wearing a beautiful dress that was hand-made for me. As I walked into the event, proudly holding on to my – at the time – boyfriend’s arm, I caught the front hem of the dress in my new slippery shoes and fell all the way to the ground while simultaneously tossing my flowers into the air – bridal bouquet tossing style! Thank god that photo op never made the yearbook!
I’ve had more stupid moments then clumsy moments.
My all time favorite is when I was home boiling spaghetti. Once the usual 10 minutes of boiling had finished, I poured the spaghetti into the strainer. Boiling water spilled all over my feet and I suddenly realized that one should strain spaghetti over the sink, not the middle of the kitchen.
Where do I begin…I fell down the stairs outside of the main entrance of the hospital where I work, right at change of shift when oh, say a thousand people were coming in and out…I fell INTO a bar once…that was actually BEFORE having anything to drink. This particular fall gained a score of “10″ because for about 15 feet I was trying to prevent myself from actually hitting the floor…needless to say, it was not a successful achievement.
I cut into a cherry tomato at a posh restaurant in Walt Disney world and managed to spray tomato juice and seeds onto another diner who was seated 20 feet away in a banquette. One more…I was just starting to pump gas at a gas station one day when somehow the back of my shorts got caught on my car door and ripped from my back pocket to the hem exposing my entire butt. I somehow managed to finish pumping the gas and pay for it without frightening anyone. Then there are the OR stories….well, I’ll save those for another day.
Aunt Pearl