Tucker’s extra special big boy brace was thrown on the porch today by the FedEx man, and despite it arriving 2 days after I its alleged arrival date, I had very high expectations for the relief it would be able to provide my spotty dog’s ailing knee. Just to catch you up if you have missed any previous posts, Tucker has a partially torn cruciate ligament (partial due to the negative drawer sign he exhibited during our last visit with the surgical vet) for which surgery is suggested. Butterfinger and I are not really comfortable with the idea of putting Tucker to sleep, and the trauma that will be inflicted during and after the procedure, so we have chosen to go ahead with conservative management for the moment.

After lots of searching and research we found this brace, and going with the positive testimonials and our own convictions decided to go ahead and purchase it, despite its rather outrageous price tag (which is still about 10% of what surgery would cost). When I opened the packaging everything seemed to be in place, all of the bags had the proper items, there were numerous informational handouts, and there was even a handy drawing showing how to place the brace on a stuffed dog - very useful when you are trying to strap this crazy apparatus on a wily, 90 pound bucking beast.

It was not very difficult to assemble the ten different pieces around your own neck, but this was a whole other story when trying to slide a cuff and affix a harness on an already sore puppy dog. The front portion of the brace went on without a problem, it was the rear of Tucker’s being that caused the most issues, which is not out of the norm taking into account his oxygen depleting wet food farts he has been unleashing lately. It seems that the upper hock of Tucky’s meaty leg is just too large for the brace, which prevents the dominatrix-style harnesses from fastening in the proper manner. The brace kept slipping down and once we did get two of the leg portions to snap together he was unable to move properly, really defeating the whole purpose.

I called customer service and was given the direct line for the vet that invented this contraption. Of course he was not immediately available when I called, but I did receive a call back within about an hour letting me know that they would exchange the brace for the next size up. To which I would like to say - “Gee thanks, you mean I do not have to keep this useless pile of velcro and neoprene that cuts off my dog’s circulation?” Hopefully the size 3 takes into account Tucker’s robustness, although I am never too sure of anything when a fake dog is used in the informational insert.

So again we play the waiting game and try to keep Tucker confined from all the things he loves - sniffing the cactus in the backyard, traipsing up and down the steps at all too frequent intervals, and jumping all over the place like a 25 cent ball. Hopefully the new brace will fit and we can show off our cyborg dog to all the neighbors over the weekend.