A Recessive Vampiric Gene

It is not rare for me to come home from work to find Butterfinger in a comatose mass on our bed. This used to REALLY bother me, and I am not proud to admit I would take sometimes drastic measures to resurrect him from the dead of sleep. I have coerced our three dogs (aided by the strategic placement of Pupperoni) into climbing on the bed and showering him with sloppy kisses only three 60 to 80 pound dogs could provide, I have repeatedly shaken him – think shaken baby syndrome type movements, I have tied his legs together with pants, I have threatened to destroy computers, an xbox, and his car, I have tested (and perfected I might add) many WWE wrestling moves, I have given wet willies, I have stolen covers and smothered with covers, I have poked, tickled, and scratched….

Sadly, it took me a long time to realize that him being awoken by one of these methods never resulted in a good outcome. He would wake up grumpy and I would be so frustrated from my rousing techniques that I have completely forgotten why I wanted him up in the first place, not to mention that I really did not care to talk to him at this point due to his blatant displaying of the jerk card. I knew there must be a reason why he felt such a strong and uncontrollable urge to sleep during the few hours he knew I would be home, and I was pretty sure that it was not because I was stinky or disliked…

I have now come to accept that a by-product of being a startup founder is the appearance of vampiric traits. The first trait in the transition that Butterfinger displayed was the gradual disappearance of skin pigment. In the past year he has taken on a glorious bright white/transparent coloring that few are able to attain; much like a porcelain doll. I suppose this change in skin color helps entrepreneurs identify one another, and assures they will be seen in their prime evening hours. The disdain for sunlight also serves an important budgeting function because many of the more costly activities usually take place between 6 am and 6 pm.

Another integral part of a vampire lifestyle is the nocturnal schedule. My startup vampire prefers this schedule because he is able to work with less distractions, the fires of hell that usually permeate the computer room have subsided by evening, and he can be sure that no bill collectors are going to call and rattle him. Plus, he can be in touch with other members of the vampire entrepreneur community and talk about his sudden aversion to garlic bread.

The sun is getting ready to set so I will cut this off and start to wake up Count Startup, with kind words and a gentle nudge of course;)